Air Hostess Lyrics

I was on board my flight with EasyJet
It was really cheap
I'd had a skinful at the airport
And I thought I'd go to sleep
But then I saw the stewardess
Walking down the aisle
She was in full uniform
And wearing a false smile

That pretendment of enjoyment
Stirred something in my head
It reminded me of all the girls
I'd ever got in bed
Her skin was bright orange
And her hair was bleached blonde
But the moment that I saw her
I knew we had a bond

Air hostess, I confess
I'm feeling a little stressed
Air hostess, I profess
Won't you help me lose my mess?
All it takes is a shake
Of your digits round my snake
Failing that I'll have a coffee
And a dried-up piece of cake

And then the bloke beside me woke
And he had halitosis
So I wedged my cock into a sock
To prevent deep-vein thrombosis
And then the stewardess appeared
With our airline meal
I wish she'd drop her trolleys
And give my cock a feel

I'm not a member of the mile high club
But I don't think wanks apply
So I thought some chat up lines
Might be worth a try
I made a joke about plain crisps
And then undid my fly
And my impression of an elephant
Seemed to catch her eye

Air hostess, I confess
I'm feeling a little stressed
Air hostess, I profess
Won't you help me lose my mess?
All it takes is a shake
Of your digits round my snake
Failing that I'll have a coffee
And a dried-up piece of cake

Air hostess, I confess
I'm feeling a little stressed
Air hostess, I profess
Won't you help me lose my mess?
It's not a joke, I'd be stoked
If I could give your chuff a poke
Failing that, I'll have some shrink-wrapped nuts
And a tiny can of Coke