Ballad of Hospital Lyrics

You should've seen the doctor
First time that he tried
He held his head frustrated,
Squinted up his eyes
He said "I couldn't make it through, son
"No I just couldn't get through"
I'm gonna send you to the hospital,
See what thay can do

Well the hospital had doctors,
pretty nurses too
I said "I took the taxi bleeding, mister,
"Tell me what to do"
They said, "Let's take a minute...
"Have a seat, sir, if you will.
"Let our first consideration
"Be for who will pay the bill"

They walked my past the rugs
The doctor donned his scubs
They laid me on the table, baby
I called out for drugs
When I woke up later
The pain was not to big
I sat up on that table and said
"Get me to the gig"

Well, the doc said, "Not so fast"
He said, "Let up off the gas
"Our tubes are made of plastic now,
"They've discontinued glass
"And our plastic tubing is not all that's been replaced"
What he told me next, people
Took the colour from my face

Well he showed me an x-ray
of my spine, begun to sag
The picture of my insides
looked like an old brown bag
And into my left kidney he put a crazy plastic straw
I asked him for some semen
To put in my glass jar

He said, "I'd love to abide
"But alas, my hands are tied"
He wrote me out prescriptions
to make the pain subside
He said, "You know that plastic straw
"Sure fits you like a wig"
He shook my hand and he said,
"Good luck at the gig"