Billericay Dickie Lyrics

(spoken) good evening I'm from Essex in case you couldn't tell my given name is Dickie, I come from Billericay and I'm doing very well had a love affair with Nina in the back of my Cortina a seasoned up hyena could not have been more obscener she took me to the cleaners and other misdemeanours but I got right up between her rum and her Ribena well, you ask Joyce and Vicki if candy-floss is sticky I'm not a blinking thicky I'm Billericay Dickie and I'm doing very well I bought a lot of brandy when I was courting Sandy took eight to make her randy and all I had was shandy another thing with Sandy what often came in handy was passing her a 'Mandy' she didn't half go bandy so you ask Joyce and Vicki if I ever took the mickey I'm not a flipping thicky I'm Billericay Dickie and I'm doing very well I'd rendezvous with Janet quite near the Isle of Thanet she looked more like a gannet she wasn't half a prannet her mother tried to ban it her father helped me plan it and when I captured Janet she bruised her pomegranate so you ask Joyce and Vicki if I ever shaped up tricky I'm not a blooming thicky I'm Billericay Dickie and I'm doing very well you should never hold a candle if you don't know where it's been the jackpot is in the handle on a normal fruit machine so you ask Joyce and Vicki who's their brickie I'm not a common thicky I'm Billericay Dickie and I'm doing very well I know a lovely old toe-rag obliging and noblesse kindly, charming shag from Shoeburyness my given name is Dickie I come from Billericay I thought you'd never guess so you ask Joyce and Vicki a pair of squeaky chickies I'm not a flaming thicky I'm Billericay Dickie and I'm doing very well oh golly, oh gosh come and lie on the couch with a nice bit of posh from Burnham-on-Crouch my given name is Dickie, I come from Billericay and I ain't a slouch so you ask Joyce and Vicki about Billericay Dickie I ain't an effin' thicky you ask Joyce and Vicki and I'm doing very well