Burke and Hare Lyrics

I'm Knox, a famous surgeon
And I earn my daily bread
By studying cadavers
Which are bodies not long dead

One day two suave young gentlemen
Appeared within my view
"I'm Mister Burke"
"I'm Mister Hare"
"How do you do?"

These gents explained that their
Acquaintance had just passed away
It seemed the body'd only been
A goner for a day

"Excuse the curious offer,"
Said Hare, or was it Burke?
"But would you care to slice this up
To see how corpses work?"

Well, it's always a palaver
Getting hold of a cadaver
So I said "Yes, I'll have her,"
Ooh, it's a he!

This body taught me much about
What makes a person poorly
Why some men live to 99
And some die prematurely

Why these bits function perfectly
And others won't repair
How everything is interlinked
Ooh- what's that doing there?!

Till one day there was nothing left
And all my work was spent
Then Burke and Hare turned up again
My- how convenient!

Another pound of fresh
Human organs, bones and flesh
Another gory sesh
Excellent news! Mwa ha ha ha!

As time went on these kind men
Brought me several guys and gals
My lab was choc-a-bloc
With all their freshly passed on pals

I paid them lots of money
Bodies came from everywhere
"You really are a busy Mr Burke"
"And Mr Hare"

They seemed such cultured gentlemen
I never did suspect
That Burke and Hare were not so nice
I really should have checked

Then one day a policemen came
Asked if I'd seen a chap
I hadn't, but days later
His corpse turned up in my lap!

It seemed that these acquaintances
Of Burke and Hare, actually
Were not their friends
And many did not die naturally

Burke and Hare had murdered them!
It was plain to see
Then brought the corpses to my lab
And pocketed the fee!

The two men were arrested
But one of them set free
Poor Burke was hanged but happily
His corpse was sent to me...