Can't We Get Women Too? Lyrics

Why can't we get? Why can't we get? Why can't we get women too??? We're white, and we're men and we have penises, we have hair, we don't have tumors, we're not sick, physically, our legs work, we don't got polio, we got the vaccine... or at least I did. Don't know about Jon, you don't really know., he's sorta like a dog that you pick up off the street cuz you don't know what shots he's got (Chikka chikika Jon Shady!!!). That's half of the fun. I'm sensitive and feminine and compassionate, I can care for women too. But they say, "No Mitch! Your cock is too small! I can't be with a little, tiny, man like you! I'd be better off with a dwarf because dwarfs are actually quite well hung." Didja know that? I don't know if its true, I'm just a-makin' it up but it might be true why can't we get women too? Jon and I! My name is Mitch, if you want me dial ***-****, and my man's number is... Lemmie tell you a story, 'bout when I talked to God up in heaven. And God said to me, "Yee wee child of God, what is your problem that you've come up to heaven to talk to me?" And I said, "God, why are we destined to be alone?" and I gestured to my friend Jonathan. And I said, "He is alone... The both of us, we are alone, we don't have bitches." And he said, "Well, that's your problem, isn't it?" And I say, "How do you mean God?" And he says, "Listen, if you want women, you have to impress them and be compassionate." And I said, "What the fuck? How is that working?" And he says, "You have to be kind and polite, but most of all, most of all, you need a big fuckin' cock!" And I said to God, "You're a liar, you lie! WHY DO YOU LIE GOD?!" And he says, "I'm not lying! I'm not! You need a big fat 10-inch! Not 7 1/8, not 7 1/4, you need a fuckin' 10-inch to get women!" And I say, "Noooooooooooooooooooooo!" And I pulled out my gun and I was about to kill myself... (And then I shouted, Dooooooooooooooooooooooooooom!!!!!") DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!! And the retards rushed the gates of Heaven as previously stated. And they bashed them down and they assaulted the saints with their broken barbed wire, bottle caps and rusty nails. And all of Heaven got gangrene and DIED! And I had my revenge! And I took God as my concubine and I fucked him in the ass! And I said, "If I can't have women, I'll at least have you as my BITCH!!!" And that's why when I came down from Heaven on my little throne of bones. I decided to kill the retards, I played my flute like a magical drum, like I was whistling up rats. And I drove them all into the sea and I clubbed them like so many baby seals. And the women flocked to me, and they were so mad, they couldn't understand why I was so hateful to have killed all the retards. And I said to them, "Listen up! I only killed the retards because I have a great love for retarded dolphins, and I want them to be free!" I want them to be free, but the retards, they hate the dolphins. So I said, "How many bitches wanna come with me? See the shining white dolphins as they sail through the sea?" They don't sail straight cuz they're retarded as some men I know (Oscar!). Retarded dolphins in the sea, they can't swim straight, I don't know if I'm straight, I can't get women, I hope I don't have to settle for fags! For fags, for fags, f-fag f'fag fag-figiddy-fag-fag-figiddy-fag-fag-figiddy-faaaaag...... Faggot retards, I don't wanna make love to guys, I'm afraid that my ass hole is not too wide, I'm afraid it won't fit, I'm afraid I'm too small it won't fit... When I went down to Hell, and the devil spoke, and he said, "WAS IST LOS MEIN SCHEIßEKOPF?!?!?" And I say, "Hi! Wassup man?" And he's all, "Why do you come to hell?" And I said, "You beckoned me to hell my Dark Lord!" And he said, "I Lucifer command you... I am the Dark Prince!" And I said, "Dark One, please have mercy on me!" And he says, "You killed all the retards and now the gates of Hell are flooded with them! They?re flooded with retards!!!" And all through hell were the calls of the retards heard! *Retard Howls* And it was a dis---terrible, it was terrible it was terrible sound! And I said, "Satan, listen, I don't know how far off track this song has gone, but why can't we get women too?" And he said, "Who else? I only see you." And I said, "My friend Jon, who's phone number I didn't say, and I won't say now, but if you really want to know, look him up in the phone book." That's why I said, "Satan, use your divine magic to aid me, I've always worshipped you, why can't you do a Jewish man a favor? Although I'm not Jewish." I said to God, "Was ist los mein comrade? Let's go to the Motherland." *Really dumb shit* And so it was that Satan slew my friend. He took out his blade, and gutted him like a little sea monkey. But that did not solve our problem, for we still did not have women, and we went to Earth and we found two really drunk girls, and we fucked them. And we were happy and the world was at peace, because we got women, I couldn't believe that we got women even though we had to pay 75 dollars for a half an hour. She asked me if I was in and I said, "Ha! I'm already done!" And she said, "What? You can't possibly be that fast!" And I said, "Well, I stuck it in your ass." Da na na na, da na na na, da na na na, da na na na I've got to apologize for the shitty quality of the song. I can't believe it?s a shitty song, it?s about shit, although, seriously if you want me or Jon, call us or E-Mail us at our respective SN's, because we got an address and we need women we need women women. Wigiddy-wing-wigiddy-wing-wigiddy-wing-wing women wing-wing-wiggah! Wiggy-wing-w-wing..........*Is gonna stop writin' wiggies and everything else*..................