Christopher Columbus vs. Captain Kirk Lyrics

EEEEPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!
CAPTAIN KIRK!
VERSUS!
CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS!
BEGIN!

Christopher Columbus
Arrivederci, Imma leave before this battle begins,
'Cause we both know in the end which captain's gonna win!
I'll show you how a real explorer handles a situation,
I'll beat you so bad they'll feel it in the next generation!
So bring it on, I'll whip you like Klingon,
My rhymes will burrow in your ears like the wrath of Khan!
I've got a neck chop for Spock, I'll put my sword through Sulu,
Check into a priceline hotel and watch your fat ass on Hulu!

Captain Kirk
I'm the enterprising Captain James Tiberius Kirk,
Representing Riverside Iowa, planet... Earth,
I hear you call yourself an explorer but I'm just not having it, you...
Discovered a new world that was already inhabited!
Why don't you boldly go somewhere you've never gone before?
Like India or any destination you've actually set sail for,
You spaghetti eating fuck, how's your spice-rack doing?
I'll be chilling in my spaceship, have fun canoeing.

Christopher Columbus
You know, rapping against you it's not even fun,
It's like somebody's set your brains on stun!
I am the fabric of history, you're a fictional stain!
I'll stick a flag up your ass and claim you for Spain!

Captain Kirk
Spock, beam me back to 1492, So I can beat this man like it's my job,
We'll see how Isabella likes my captain's log,
It's Kobayashi for you, there's no way you could win
When your weak crew sees me approaching, they'll be like "Dammit, it's Jim!"
I'll double-fist punch you, you slave-making bitch
Now, take your genocidal ass off of my bridge.

WHO WON?
WHO'S NEXT?
YOU DECIDE!
EPIC RRRRAP BATTLES OF HSITORY!