Dicktaphone Lyrics

Hello operator, I'd like to make a call.
Can I have four double seven three one zero four?
I'm sorry, sir, could you repeat that number once again?

Four double seven three one zero four, did you get it then?

Could you speak a little slower, four double seven's all I got.

Three one zero four, are you bloody deaf or what?
Look, I got the first bit, I just can't get the last.
Well stick that fuckin' phone up your fuckin' arse

Stick that fuckin' phone up your fuckin' arse,
You're supposed to fuckin' help not make it fuckin' hard,

I only want to make a call but you're just bein' smart,
So you can stick that fuckin' phone up your fuckin' arse

Good morning I'm from Telecom come to disconnect the phone
For a breach of regulations just a couple of days ago
You upset our operator with a pretty nasty call
What are you fuckin' on about, it was all her fuckin' fault

Well she claims that it was all your fault, she really was distressed
What about your customers, she upset me first
We've got her written statement, which shortly will be read
But it might help if you'd recall exactly what you said

I said stick that fuckin' phone up your fuckin' arse
You're supposed to fuckin' help not make it fuckin' hard
I just tried to make a call but you just acted smart
So I said stick that fuckin' phone up your fuckin' arse

Well that's not exactly on sir, it's just not on at all
You must use common ettiquite if you wish to make a call
And please and thank you also help, you can't talk to her like that
Please and bloody thank you, well you fuckin' tell her that

And she knows without a telephone I'm really in the shit
Well perhaps if you'd apoligise that just might help a bit
Apoligise, apoligise, apoligise to who?
Just go in and ask for Operator 42


Good morning are you waiting is there something I can do?
Yes I'd like to speak to Operator 42
Sorry, sir, I missed that, could you repeat what you just said?
Oh shit I don't believe it, here we fuckin' go again!

Operator 42, look I'll just write it down
Ooh, Operator 42, I'll see if she's around
Jeez, they're bloody useless, I'm sure that they're all deaf
No wonder that I did me quince, no wonder that I said

Stick that fuckin' phone up your fuckin' arse
You're supposed to fuckin' help not make it fuckin' hard
I just want to make a call but you're just bein' smart
So stick that fuckin' phone up your fuckin' arse

Now they'll make me sit around and wait all bloody day
Just so they can make me sweat and have the final say
That's like the public service, they make you scrape & bow
Oh, shit she's fuckin' ugly if that's her coming now

I'm Operator 42, I'm busy, make it fast
Did a bloke tell you to stick that fuckin' phone right up your arse?
Yes he did, the filthy animal, I remember now
Well you'r better fuckin' brace yourself cause they're bringin' it around

And you can stick that fuckin' phone up your fuckin' arse
You're supposed to fuckin' help not make it fuckin' hard
I just tried to make a call but you just acted smart
So you can stick that fuckin' phone up your fuckin' arse

Stick that fuckin' phone up your fuckin' arse
You're supposed to fuckin' help not make it fuckin' hard
I just tried to make a call but you just acted smart
So you can stick that fuckin' phone up your fuckin' arse