Doris In The Delhi Lyrics

I?ve got a crush on the woman In the delhi The way she always asks me How I am I get this funny sort of feeling In my belly Every time I go and ask her For a pot of Parmesan I?ve got twenty seven pots In my kitchen It?s driving everybody Round the bend They say we?re sick and tired Of eating your spaghetti Why don?t you tell her You?re a dyke And then this romance can end But I?m obsessed with the way She makes her pasta The way she stuffs her ravioli It makes my heart beat Faster faster faster Now I?m dreaming of A weekend in Napoli Yesterday I tasted her olives My eyes nearly popped out with glee She said ?Hey don?t you know my name ? it is Doris? I said ?No no, you look more like a Maria to me? But now I think she?s getting Really quite suspicious I?ll have to return in some disguise I?m going back to buy some cashews They?re delicious I can wear lots of make up And some lipstick on my eyes (Which I do?and she says?) ?Hey are you going to a party?? I said ?Yes yes, would you like to come along?? She said ?Sure I will bring my Dolcelatte? I said ?Great I?ll bring my guitar And we can both sing a song?. I was expecting an Italian sitar Soon I would be crooning on my knees I sidled up to her with my guitar And she sat right down beside me With a piece of smelly cheese. She said ?its time we put our cheeses on the table There?s more to this methinks Than meets the eye Come with me, gosh goodness You seem unstable Come with me I?ve this suggestion That I think we ought to try? She said ?There are a million and one different cheeses I couldn?t taste them all I would be sick But if you would oblige, I could pay you To be my ?Expert Cheese Consultant? That would really do the trick? I said ?It?s not exactly What I was expecting But what the hell I couldn?t ask for more? And now all these years later I?ve been perfecting The art of choosing cheeses For the one that I adore I've eaten Cheddar, Stilton Danish blue, Emmental and Feta Mozarella, Edam, Philadelphia And better Gorgonzola, Port Salut, Red leicester And good Brie?but the cheese that Doris loves the best I do believe is me!