Draft Dodger Rag Lyrics

I'm just a typical American from a typical American town I believe in God and Senator Todd and a-keeping old Castro down And when it came my time to serve I knew "better dead than red" But when I got to my old draft board, buddy, this is what I said: (CHORUS) Sarge, I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen And I always carry a purse I got eyes like a bat, my feet are flat and my asthma's getting worse Oh I think of my career, my sweetheart dear, and my poor old invalid aunt Besides, I ain't no fool, I'm goin' to school And I'm working in a defense plant I got a dislocated disc and a wracked up back I'm allergic to flowers and bugs And when bombshells hit, I get epileptic fits And I'm addicted to a thousand drugs I got the weakness woes, I can't touch my toes I can hardly touch my knees And if the enemy came close to me I'd probably start to sneeze (CHORUS) I hate Chou En Lai, and I hope he dies, But one thing you gotta see That someone's gotta go over there But that someone isn't me So I wish you well, Sarge, give 'em Hell Yeah kill me a thousand or more And if you ever get a war without blood and gore Well I'll be the first to go (CHORUS)