Evil Emperors Lyrics

The famous Roman empire
Was the biggest, meanest neighbourhood
We four were the baddest emperors
And by bad we don't mean good
Woohoo!

My name is Caligula
A rotten Roman big-ula
If you told me a fib-ula
I'd hack your hands to stumps!

One time I killed a priest
Who'd come to sacrifice a beast
You think it's sad that he's deceased
We all laughed like chumps!

I'm very hairy, but take note
If you so much as whisper 'goat'
With an iron rod you will be smoked
I'm in a good mood today so I won't slit your throat!

I'm bad! (He's bad!)
A shameless rotten cad!
Do you still have limbs since meeting me?
Then I guess you should be glaaaad...
Hoohoo!

Your nastiness was fabulous
But my name's Elagabalus
And I was far, far worse
Just listen to my verse...

I was quite notorious
For catapulting venomous snakes at
Rome's enormous crowds
Oh how they fled, huh huh!

If you won a lottery prize
I'd give you bees, dead dogs and flies
My house-guests got a nice surprise-
A lion in their bed!

You'd think to children I'd be cuter
No-o! I was their biggest executer
Used the guts to read the future
Says here I should get a jobs as a school tutor!

I'm bad! (He's bad!)
Could argue I was sad
Hated through our empire
From Great Britain to Baghdaaaad...
Hoohoo!

Afraid your claim is bogus
'Cause my name is Commodus
And no-one else could be
A worse emperor than me!

There never was a greater
Pretend gladiator
If the booing got too loud
Made the lions fight the crowd!

Just one man was grander
Julius Alexander
So I killed him see
'Cause I'm the emperor, me!

I'm bad! (He's bad!)
My actions truly rad!
You only got the emperor's job
'Cause you were chosen by your daaaad...

To me you all score zero
My name is Emperor Nero
Evil men, you're not
I'm the worstest of the lot! Wooo!

My rule was full of fear-o
Yet men from far and near-o
Called me a fighting hero
Or I would have them slain!

Changed the Olympic season
So the medals went to me-son
Burned Christians for no reason
Just a fun game I played, y'know!

Poisoned my step brother
Ordered men to kill my mother
Tried to drown her but she fled
So I had her stabbed instead!

Wait! There's more!

To my first wife, dear Octavia
I showed truly bad behaviour
Chopped her head off, gave it to
My girlfriend, who I then killed too!

I'm bad! So baddy!
Of badness I'm the daddy!
Come on I wanna see
A more evil bloke than me! Yeah!

We're bad! Real bad!
Nothing more to add
We all thought that we were awful
But you are really truly maaaad...
Woohoo!

I'm the baddest emperor the Romans ever had.