For What Is Chatteris... Lyrics

One-way system smooth and commendable

Go by bus - they're highly dependable

The swings in the park for the kids have won awards

The clean streets, acknowledged in the Lords



But what's a park if you can't see a linnet?

A timetable if your journey's infinite?

My bag's packed and I'm leaving in a minute

For what is Chatteris without you in it?



Car crime's low, the gun crime's lower

The town hall band's CD, it's a grower

You never hear of folk getting knocked on the bonce

Although there was a drive-by shouting once



But there's a brass band everywhere

And I don't drive, so I don't care

And as a nightingale sang in Berkeley Square :

"What's Chatteris if you're not there?"



Like a game bird reserve, short on pheasants

Weavers Cottages devoid of tenants

A market town that lacks quintessence :

That's Chatteris without your presence



Three good butchers, two fine chandlers

An indoor pool and a first class cake shop

Ofsted plaudits, envy of the Fens

Prick barriers at both ends



But what's Chatteris if you're not there?

What's Chatteris if you're not there?

What's Chatteris if you're not there?

What's Chatteris if you're not there?



What's Chatteris if you're not there?

What's Chatteris if you're not there?

I may as well be in Ely or St. Ives...