Geeks of the Industry Lyrics

Well, we're the geeks of the industry.

You don't wanna mess with me, when I'm playin' D and D,

The geeks of the industry.

And when you see us at your game, be prepared to flee.


Well they say that nerds do it, freaks do it. (Do it.)

Grab your character sheets and get to it.

Got my D-twenty in my sack full of dice.

I'm a miniature connoisseur for sure, so...

Get all the models out of the hutch.

I've painted so much lead, they call me the Dutch Boy.

Religious groups claiming it'll make me a witch,

But, man, the worst you could say, is I'm the coven of 'Litch',

Yes, from Origins down to GenCon, I am GAMA gamer trekkin'.

You think you're a dungeon master, 'til I suck upon your neck.

It's Count Luke Ski, in black clothes I'm displayin' and slayin',

But it's more than cosplay.

It's Vampire: the Masquerade, col' LARPin'.

With a file, my faux fangs I sharpen.

A physical challenge, and you think I'm paper blockin' you.

You show me scissors, but I'm rockin' you!


Cause we're the geeks of the industry.

Check out my huge power deck, when I C.C.G.!

The geeks of the industry.

And when you see us at your game, be prepared to flee.


Say you're gamin'. (Gamin'?) The other folks you're playin',

Are the dorks from the towers in Wisconsin.

Matt is the D.M., and Igor brought the 'Igor bars' in. (Mmm, yeah!)

There's Jeff, and bringing up the rear... (Is who?)

A short furrball named Carson. (Heeere's Johnny!)

Nuh-uh, not the Carson with the talk show career,

But the Muskrat roleplaying king.

Got your caffeine? (Huzzah!) A'ight, let's convene:

Your party's on a bridge, up ahead ye see a hundred and twenty

Gigantic orcs armed with machetes.

Do you, 'A': Say 'Hello, ain't this a sunny day?' (sound like a nice friendly normal voice)

'B': You soil your armor and you RUN AWAY! (sound like Sir Robin from MP&tHG)

'C': Grab a can from your Mountain Dew stash! (sound like Rob Schrab from ?D&D?)

Well the answer is 'D', ('D'?) MASH MASH MASH!

So you're slashin' (hackin'), total monster mashin' (mackin'),

Orc attackin', and soon your band is back on the quest.

Whoever saves the damsel she will betroth*,

Suspiciously familiar, she's just like a perky goth!

But to save her you will have to face sniper sloths,

A vicious troll, a winged T-Rex, vixens who will eat your soul,

And a drunk vampire with a puzzle trap, and if you

Don't answer right, you're dead. What do you do? (What?)

Jeff cast a spell, but it only knocked their hats off.

Igor turned to Matt and said, ?I kill Gandalf!?

Carson just collapsed and quivered like a pup.

Well here is what I did, so, yo, listen up:

After I tightened up my tights, I hung a disco ball so that the lights

Distracted them, I snuck right past their sights.

Faced the troll, with my saving roll, he was defeated.

I roasted the Pega-Saurus so I'd eat it. (Eat it!)

The sirens I greeted, with my eighteen charisma they fainted, (add sound of women swooning)

Then I solved the riddle of the mead-head.

He said ?Now pick a number from a million down to one!?

I said 'forty-two', and he shriveled in the dawn sun. (add sound of vampire dying: Aaah! sizzle)

For rescuing Gilly, she said she would thrill me.

Became my bride, mission ended, me on victory's side.

And before anybody gets a chance to speak,

I say, 'Yo, don't say nothin', I guess I'm just a geek'!


Cause we're the geeks of the industry.

John Kovali-to-the-C! Yeah, you know it, Luke Ski!

The geeks of the industry.

And when you see us at your game, be prepared to flee.


Hot chicks in chain mail bikinis,

In the hip joints, want our hit points.

And we'll ask 'em when they face us in the

Coliseum, 'Who's your D.M.?'


(spoken outro as song fades out)


Luke Ski: You know, Gary Gygax is a close personal friend of mine, and...


John Kovalic: You don't know Gary Gygax!


Luke Ski: What? Well, no, but I grew up in Lake Geneva, and I was in the old D and D store downtown once when I was a kid, and...


John Kovalic: Hi, I'm John Kovalic. I make the comic book 'Dork Tower'. C'mon, let's go baby.


Luke Ski: What?! Hey! I can't believe you just goth-blocked me like that! Hey! You're married you know! At least I'm single again! You can't do this to me! I'm the Uber Geek, dammit!