God Says Song Lyrics

When I was just a child
Before I would turn out the light
I kneeled beside my bed and say my prayers every night

Asked God to keep me safe
And keep everything alright
Then I'd be real still and quiet until I could hear his reply

And God said wash your hands
Or your family will die
And grandpa will get cancer
If you don't touch the stove three times
Your dog will run away
If you ever tell a lie

Nobody understands
When God says wash your hands
When God says wash your hands
God says wash your hands

Now as the years went by
God stood by me through the thin and thick
Though it seems that with his age
The good Lord's gone a tad eccentric

Why I need to save my pee
I don't understand a lick
But it's better I bet than to live with regret
So I guess I better do it

Cause God said stay inside
Or get flesh-eating disease
I'll totally make some kid retarded
If you don't throw salt when you sneeze

And you'll never get to heaven
Unless you kill Bill Bellamy
Nobody understands
When God says wash your hands
Nobody understands
When God says wash your hands
And I hope that it's all wrong
Cause God said 'Don't sing this song'
And I hope that it's all wrong
Cause God said 'Don't sing this song'