I Wish I Went To College Lyrics

College?
I'm a retard! I'm a retard!

Check it out,
That party last night was awfully crazy, I wish I'd made it.
But I wasn't invited 'cause I can't afford my tuition payment.
Drink my drink and smoke my weed
My best friends are just like me
Pass out at 3, wake up at 10
Get fired from a job and wish I was dead
I shoulda went to college, man I been drinkin'
To escape the sinkin' feelin' that Ima end up dead or drug dealin'
I wish I went to college

I wish I could go back and get a higher education
But I can't get back the brain cells I been erasin'
Dead man walkin', strollin' the green mile,
Though I'm still in my twenties I swear I'm senile
I'm so forgetful, uh... what's the next line?
And I musta forgot my brain 'cause they say I lost my mind
When I run makin' a b-line like I stepped in a bee hive
And school left my behind, steadily tryin' to rewind
And try to go to college, hangin' out with scholars
I stay rough around the edges, I am so unpolished
And if men are from Mars and women are from Venus
And they throw us all in college to meet and spread diseases
I mean this, I've seen this on different (scene lists)
After a few shots college pussies need penis
They deem this not ready for the dean's list
So, if you're not in school, follow me, repeat this, like

That party last night was awfully crazy, I wish I'd made it.
But I wasn't invited 'cause I can't afford my tuition payment.
Drink my drink and smoke my weed
My best friends are just like me
Pass out at 3, wake up at 10
Get fired from a job and wish I was dead
I shoulda went to college, man I been drinkin'
To escape the sinkin' feeling that Ima end up dead or drug dealin'
I wish I went to college

For every dorm room hustler with his parent's credit cards
That tells everyone he's real like his favorite rap stars
Who claims his hustle is so hard,
And on thirsty Thursdays buys rounds for the bar
Always trying to impress the ladies
Keg stands, crushed cans, acting totally crazy
Or the guys in the argyle sweaters
Whose dad bought 'em a Benz so any girl he can get her but
If she said, ?No,? to him she said, ?Yes?
Between date-rapes and chest bumps he's never been rejected
?I don't know what that girl said, but if you ask me
It's her fault for passin' out in my bed,?
Oh boy, douche bag, this is college ed
And at home is where girls leave their boyfriends
Well time's not wasted if you're gettin' wasted
But fuck it, who cares if mommy and daddy pay it

That party last night was awfully crazy, I wish I'd made it.
But I wasn't invited 'cause I can't afford my tuition payment.
Drink my drink and smoke my weed
And my best friends are just like me
Pass out at 3, wake up at 10
Get fired from a job and wish I was dead
I shoulda went to college, man I been drinkin'
To escape the sinkin' feeling that Ima end up dead or drug dealin'
I wish I went to college

My grandmother said to go to college was worthwhile
Get a good job and not fall asleep in the bread aisle
If I went to college and my parents aren't loaded
Student loans pile up while I hang out and get loaded
If I want my own higher learning experience
I'll slip myself a rufinol in my rum and puke and fall down
Oops, got drunk and passed out face up
And at the last second tried to get the vomit out my mouth
See, we're not that different, just you got a degree
And guess what? I didn't.

In the end we're not that different,
Just you got a degree and I... didn't.