If Lyrics

In order for one to metamorphises from ones inner-self being projected out into the astral plane, and to rematerialize into an inanimate object, or another living organism for that matter, is entirely and absolutley an impossible. However,

If I was your TV, I'd be like, "look at me"
If I was a shooting star, I'd be like "Shhh...ping!"
If I was a fat bitches thong, I'd be like "Hell naw!"
If I was a hotties thong, I'd be like "Aww"
If I was a cuss word, I'd just be like "Fuck"
If I was a rock on the moon, I'd be chillin like "Sup?"
If I was a butthole, I'd just be an exit
If I was the D.O.C, I'd be like "Man, this is bullshit"
If I was your tires on your car, I'd be like "Yeeerrrrrr!"
If I was the bumper on your car, I'd be like "Ow fuck!"
If I was a ballon, I'd be like "Pap!! Psshh..."
If I was Mellisa Milano, I'd be fuckin Joe Bruce
If I was a radio DJ, I'd probably say "The Point, 103"
If I was a richy ass bitch, I'd be like "Um, okay"
If I was Spin magizine, I'd put a mirror on the cover, and be like "Fuck us, and all our readers, even this motherfucker"
If I was your mental stress, I'd be catching up
If I was your headaches, everynow and then I'd be like "Thuuuuump"
And if I was your tounge, I'd be hating your teeth, I'd be like "Oww! Why you alway bite me, everytime we try to eat?"
If I was a chair, I'd be like "Sit here"
And if I was Kid Rock, I'd cut my feathered wolf hair
If I was your muffler, I'd be like "Shh, quietly"
And if I was a price tag, I'd be like, "You ain't buyin me"
If I was a fresh DJ, I'd be like ......
If I was Jam Master J, I'd be like .....
If I was a cheap clock radio, I'd be like "Ffffff (tune that mother fucker in)
If I was Berry White, I'd be like "What up ya'll?"
If I was a nipple in the cold, I'd be like (Boing)
If I was your dead uncle, I'd be like.....
If I was a raindrop, I'd just be like ....
And if I had an axe and your neck, I might say "Chop!"

If I was, if I was, but I'll never be
If I was, if I was, but I'll never be
If I was, if I was, but I'll never be
If I was, if I was, but I'll never be
If I was, if I was, but you're killing me
If I was, if I was, but you're killing me
If I was, if I was, but I'll never be
If I was, if I was, but I'll never be

If I was a Faygo at one of our shows,
I'd fly through the air, into an ocean of juggalos
If I was Andre the Giant, "This is how I'd be like"
If I was Father MC, I'd be like "Now, what happend?"
If I was a mirror, I'd find another mirror, and look each other dead in the face, crystal clear
If I was a slider, I'd slide out your butt, I'd be floatin in your toilet, looking at you like "whut?"
If I was a pilot, I'd be like "Traffic control"
If I was John Denver, I'd be like "Nooooo!"
If I was a switch, I'd be like "Flick me"
If I was a london cop car, I'd be like "Weee Wooo Weee Wooo"
If I was Chewbacca, I'd get me a fresh ass fade
If I was Vanilla Ice, I'd be like "Fuck ya'll, I'm still paid"
If I was a stop sign, I'd just be like "Stop"
If I was your wooden leg, I'd still be given you the hip hop

If I was, if I was, but I'll never be
If I was, if I was, but I'll never be
If I was, if I was, but I'll never be
If I was, if I was, but I'll never be
If I was, if I was, but you're killing me
If I was, if I was, but you're killing me
If I was, if I was, but I'll never be
If I was, if I was, but I'll never be