It Kills Me To Have To Be Alive Lyrics

Something about the summer I didn't cope with well and every time I walked in this room in the same spot I tripped and fell and I check my spit for blood and I do not call enough I spill my guts for money, but you don't find my jokes that funny

There's something in the tone of my voice that makes you question everything I say and I will never learn to just shut my mouth and bury things our parents' way and you said that I should quit what I fear and I know I just wanted it to be my idea and you said that I do not exist and I know at least now we agree on it and i'll keep telling myself that I'm not just here for everyone else

Make plans for birthdays that I don't care if I celebrate and I'm sorry that I can't be what everybody wants from me I do not feel that I am loved but I do not reach out enough, but I'm reaching up

I'll let this all fall down around me
I'll let this all fall down around me
I'll let this all fall down around me

And I'll fail but at least I'll try it's the most I can hope for most of the time, it kills me to have to be alive It Is killing me to have to be alive