Mailing List Lyrics

If you sign my mailing list
I beg you please print clearly
It's so hard to read your writing sometimes
When you're in a hurry

Then when I am home
And I am shuffling through my piles of paper
Trying to decipher
All your scribblings and your scrawlings

Please print clearly
I'm not a calligrapher
Or handwriting expert
With the FBI

My mother was the penmanship champion
Of the state of New Jersey in the year
Nineteen hundred thirty eight

I did not inherit this characteristic
Chicken scratching is much easier to read

If you sign my mailing list
I beg you please print clearly
Don't you hate it when you get a letter with a label
Where your name is spelled ridiculously

Makes you think the sender
Doesn't even know or care about you
And you throw it out

Thus if you don't ever hear
A word from me
It's not because
I don't use my mailing list

Or I sold your name
To Publisher's Clearing House

Or that to my show someone like you
I'm not inviting
It's just that
I couldn't read your writing