Mary Tudor Lyrics

King Henry VIII my father hoped
I'd have some Tudor brothers
Mum had no sons, so rather
I got plenty of step mothers

When at last prince Ed was born
The crown I bid adieu
They said as king he must be sworn
Boys go first in the queue

But there's no worry
If at first you don't succeed
When Ed died I swept aside
The rest and was decreed

Mary the First that's me
Tudor lady and queen of England
Not to be confused with Mary Queen of Scots
Not the same see though weirdly she's a cousin to me

Some tried to say Lady Jane Grey
Should be queen after Ed
But England wanted me hooray
So poor Jane lost her head

The Protestants were saying
That my ruling made them sick
'Cause when it comes to praying
My tastes were Catholic

They revolted, challenged me
Fuelled my great desire to tie
300 to a stake
Light touch paper then retire

Mary the First that's me
Called the bloody queen of England
Not what I intended tried to be good you see
But history only remembers I was a catastrophe

Married Philip King of Spain who then left me
England he thought was a pain especially
'Cause he told me to attack France with troops
And when the French advanced we lost Calais- oops

Throughout my reign it rained and rained
It poured upon the poor
The harvest failed no food remained
And flu killed many more

Burned Protestants and wed a fool
Led armies to defeat
Burned more Prots, I say more rule
Was short but not that sweet

I had no kids, called half sis Liz
As big queen Bess to be
So long as she would rule the land
As a Catholic queen like me

Lizzie didn't listen
She made the country Protestant
Meaning my legacy was ruined
See everything I tried to achieve went down the swanny

Bit embarrassing really...