Mother Lyrics

Don:
The summer I turned fifteen, I lied about my age so I could join AGVA -- you know....
THE NIGHT CLUB UNION,
'CAUSE I COULD MAKE SIXTY DOLLARS A WEEK
WORKING THESE STRIP JOINTS
OUTSIDE OF KANSAS CITY.
I WORKED THIS ONE CLUB FOR ABOUT EIGHT WEEKS STRAIGHT
AND I REALLY BECAME FRIENDLY WITH THIS STRIPPER.
Her name was Lola Latores and her dynamic, twin forty-fours. Well, she really took to me. I mean, we did share the only dressing room, and she did a lot of dressing....
ANYWAY, SHE USED TO COME AND PICK ME UP
AND DRIVE ME TO WORK NIGHTS.
WELL, THE NEIGHBORS WOULD ALL BE HANGING OUTSIDE
OF THEIR WINDOWS,
AND SHE'D DRIVE UP IN HER BIG PINK CADILLAC
CONVERTIBLE
AND....SMILE.
And I'd come tripping out of the house in my little tuxedo and my tap shoes in my hand and we'd drive off down the block with her long, flaming red hair just blowing in the wind.

(Don goes into pantomime and the other line people enter stage left. Each soloist is picked up in head spot as they sing their lines)

All:
GOODBYE TWELVE,
GOODBYE THIRTEEN,
HELLO LOVE.

Maggie:
WHY DO I PAY FOR ALL THOSE LESSONS?!
DANCE FOR GRAN'MA! DANCE FOR GRAN'MA!

(Chorus sings backup syllables under solo lines)

Bebe:
MY GOD, THAT STEVE MCQUEEN'S REAL SEXY,
BOB GOULET OUT,
STEVE MCQUEEN IN!

Cassie:
YOU CANNOT GO TO THE MOVIES
UNTIL YOU FINISH YOUR HOMEWORK.

Al:
WASH THE CAR,

Mike:
STOP PICKIN' YOUR NOSE.

Maggie:
OH DARLING, YOU'RE NOT OLD ENOUGH TO WEAR A BRA.
YOU'VE GOT NOTHING TO HOLD IT UP.

Mark:
LOCKED IN THE BATHROOM WITH PEYTON PLACE.

(Chorus out)

Val:
TITS! WHEN AM I GONNA GROW TITS?

Bobby:
IF TROY DONAHUE COULD BE A MOVIE STAR, THEN I COULD BE A MOVIE STAR.

(the others have exited, Bobby joins them)

Don:
(Out of pantomime)
Well, when the guys on the block saw Lola, they all wanted to know what the story was, and I told them about this big hot romance we were having, but actually she was going with this....

(Don steps off stage, Judy moves forward from upstage left as she is picked up in a spot)

Judy:
LITTLE BRAT!
THAT'S WHAT MY SISTER WAS....
A LITTLE BRAT.
AND THAT'S WHY I SHAVED HER HEAD.
I'M GLAD I SHAVED HER HEAD.
BUT THEN MY FATHER LOST HIS JOB
SO WE HAD TO LEAVE EL PASO
AND WE WOUND UP IN ST. LOUIS, MISSOURI.
WELL, IT WAS THE FURTHEST THING
FROM MY MIND
TO BE A DANCER,
BUT MY MOTHER WOULD EMBARRASS ME
SO WHEN SHE'D COME TO PICK ME UP
AT SCHOOL WITH ALL THOSE GREAT, BIG, YELLOW ROLLERS IN HER HAIR
NO MATTER HOW MUCH I BEGGED HER AND
SHE'D SAY:
"What are you, ashamed of your own mother?"
BUT THE THING THAT MADE MY DADDY LAUGH SO MUCH
WAS WHEN I USED TO JUMP AND DANCE AROUND THE LIVING ROOM....

(Judy goes into pantomime. The people who sing MOTHER have moved into formation with Maggie center. Lyrics are sung in counterpoint to end of the number)

Maggie:
PLEASE TAKE THIS MESSAGE
TO MOTHER FROM ME.
CARRY IT WITH YOU
ACROSS THE BLUE SEA.
"MOTHER, OH, MOTHER,
WHEREVER I GO
YOUR MAGGIE IS MISSIN' YOU SO."

"MOTHER, OH, MOTHER
WHEREVER I GO
YOUR MAGGIE IS MISSIN' YOU SO."

Al:
DAD WOULD TAKE MOM TO ROSELAND.
SHE'D COME HOME WITH HER SHOES IN HER HAND.

Diana:
MAMA FAT,
ALWAYS IN THE KITCHEN COOKING ALL THE TIME.

Sheila:
DARLING, I CAN TELL YOU NOW,
YOUR FATHER WENT THROUGH LIFE WITH AN OPEN FLY.

Val:
TITS! WHERE ARE MY TITS?

Cassie:
LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER.
THOSE STAGE AND MOVIE PEOPLE GOT THERE
BECAUSE THEY'RE SPECIAL.

Greg:
YOU TAKE AFTER YOUR FATHER'S SIDE OF THE FAMILY,
THE UGLY SIDE.

Paul:
WAIT UNTIL YOUR FATHER GETS HOME.

Don:
SWEAR TO GOD AND HOPE TO DIE.

(Lights fade on group, they join others to reform line facing upstage)