Photoshop Lyrics

I used to be the biggest loser
I never could do anything right
I wet the bed till I was fourteen
Could never hold my own in a fight
But suddenly everything got changed
My whole life story rearranged
And all my friends they think that I'm deranged
But they don't understand the godly powers that I've gained

I got Photoshop and I can't stop
I just copy/paste then I drag and drop
And everything in my life seems so much better
Oh that fateful day at Comp USA
I was picking up a copy of GTA
And they were having a two for one special if you bought em' together

I got all A's on my report card
At least the one I showed my Dad
And here's a note from Cameron Diaz
Saying I'm the best she's ever had
I got the girl of my dreams
To finally break up with Eugene
When she saw those pictures so obscene of
Eugie all tied up in bed with with her dear old Aunt Eileen

I got Photoshop and I can't stop
I just copy/paste then I drag and drop
And everything in my life seems so much better
Making fake IDs now is such a breeze
Just a couple clicks and I'm 23
Oh and look here's a picture of me with my friend Eddie Vedder

It shouldn't be a mystery that I'll go down in history
As one of the most famous photoshoppers of our century
But I'm just hoping nobody could possibly be on to me
While I'm still live and kicking cause then they'll haul me off to jail

Then I'll go on regretably To work for a federal agency
Helping pigs in suits with cracking down on other forgeries
And when I'm finished up in there they'll strap me to an electric chair
To serve as an example to you newbies everywhere

The Green Day concert's all sold out now
But I just got a backstage pass
And here's my brand new SAT scores
The College Board can kiss my ass
Here's my check from MTV
And it's all made out to me
And it'll probably take an eternity
Before accounting finds out that I'm not an employee

I got Photoshop and I can't stop
I just copy/paste then I drag and drop
And everything in my life seems so much better
Like this girl I date thinks I'm 28
Little does she know that I'm jailbait
And she even thinks I'm certified to forecast the weather