Please Be Healthy Lyrics

Today I'm going to be preach you my life story,
Been eating healthy since I was a little tiny baby,
Some say it's uncanny that I will always be skinny,
Well let me tell you now, this body did not come free,
See it's my duty to make sure the world learns how to eat right,
So I search all the land so I can show people the light,
Like this young man here with pizza, he's really enjoying that piece,
But see, he's just filling his system with a gallon of grease

So I said,
"Listen you f****** pig, you f****** make me sick!"
"I know your godd*** momma has taught you better than this"
"You're a disgrace, you're disgusting, you need to be on Weight Watchers"
"Now go do something with your f****** life and don't ever forget what I taught you"

So another day I was coming out of the subway,
(No, the other Subway),
Honey oat, light mayo and chicken teriyaki,
It's Jared's fave, but Jared ain't me,
For the last time, I'm my own person!
Now don't...let me say it...again

So I just walked around the corner and I get a suprise,
I even take a step back to make sure this is real life,
This gentleman's shoving fries down his mouth in excessive quantities,
So I kindly voiced my concerns, after all this is for a good cause

(So I said)

"What do you think you're doing, you ignoramus piece of sh**?"
"Eat too many more of those and you will hit the bucket"
"Go jump off a cliff, save yourself some time you f****** slob"
"Try actually doing something with your life, like go out and get a f****** job!"

Go get a job,
Go get a job,
You are a slob,
Plus you're name is Rob

Seriously, who names their son Rob anyway?
That's why you're a slob,
Why don't you go out and change your name to Bob or something?