Saudade Lyrics

On my birthday I lost my world, staring at a shower door
The places my mind explores left me blocking off my bedroom door
The ones I love I push away. I see them die most every day
And it's more than avoidance can save. I pray the lord my soul to take
I want to know what it's like to live a life other than mine
I'm tired of being inside my head but it gets the best of me sometimes
It's what I deserve, I'm dying slowly to show my worth
It's what I deserve, I'm dying slowly to show my worth
I think of everything. I am the sum of two people who never fell in love
I have become everything I've hated all at once
I think of all the things that keep me awake
I think of all the times I've pushed you away
I'm buried in my thoughts again, nothing makes sense