Story Of The Regulars Lyrics

Romeo's been broken since Juliet split way back when,
'I know that I can't have his heart, but I'll take what I can!'
says waitress Cinderella as she empties his ashtray,
he'll take her home after she is done for the day.
Napoleon and JFK drink their third bottle of Jack
for all them glory days that sure ain't coming back,
they send a glass to Florence Nightingale standing by the windowsill;
Audrey's smoking in the corner, yeah she's got time to kill.
Lord Byron's high as fuck again at table four,
advising Abe Lincoln on the parties to ignore.
Edgar Allan starts a fight over his winning poker hand,
Shakespeare screams 'I doth believe, he had that ace up in his sleeve!

The house bands' at the urinals, talking 'bout the show,
The Wright brothers, Lenin and Robinhood in tow;
Alice walks in, behind her trails of red light,
'No one wants my company, well this just ain't my night.'
Mozart's on the slot machine, gave up flirting with the dames
'I never had much luck with love, but I'm very good at games!'
Marie Curie and Janis are on a girls night out,
wondering what the hell Gandhi's raving on about.
Casanova's showing off his new boyfriend to everyone
'I'm sure that this is it, thank god my lonely days are done!'

'It's last call, then closing time!', sounds the little bell,
Humphrey asks for a gin but they have none left to sell;
Marx helps Columbus to stand up and takes the piss,
'Man sailed half the world, yet he's fucked on a wine like this!'
Julius Cesar and Picasso stare at Einstein in disdain,
'The man's not been himself since he's taken up cocaine.'
The Pope is drinking juice, he's given up on booze,
he's got a wife and kids now that he can't afford to lose.
Nostradamus eschews shy advances for Joan of Arc,
says 'Honey, when you walk outside, even them stray dogs bark!'

And I've just woken up, smiling in my bed:
it was another Wednesday night at the bar inside my head.