The Goods Lyrics

Jerry:
Take a look at this girl
That's everything I like
She got the face, she got the waist
She got the legs

Malcolm:
Naw, her tits are too big

Jerry
What are you, crazy?
Bodacious funbags are a must!
They gotta be C or D or better
They gotta post a threat to the sweater - ow!

She got the goods!
That's an eight or nine at least
She got the goods

Horse:
Let me see that
She has some irredeemable flaws. I give her a six.

Ah - now there's a ten!

Jerry: (spoken)
You call that a ten?

Horse:
Based on the booty

Jerry: (spoken)
What do you mean? It's huge.

Horse:
She got a butt like a battleship!
I don't need to look above the hip

(spoken)
She got that shelf kinda ass ... you could display your tchotchkes, your collectibles on there.

(sung)
Baby got back. That's a fact
You could park a wide-track Pontiac in that crack
Now that's the goods
The bigger the cushion -

Jerry: (spoken)
She's got a sofa-bed back there!

Dave: (spoken)
Well we just better hope the women are more forgiving than we are.

Horse: (spoken)
What is that supposed to mean?

Dave: (spoken)
If they're looking at us Sunday night the way we're usually looking at them, we're in trouble.

Nightmare Georgie:
Take a look at that Opie-looking jerk with the pigeon chest!

Nightmare Pam:
And I give that fat guy's ass a two
But I wish I had such voluptuous breasts

Nightmare Vicki:
And what about old Father Time over there?
Yeah, sure he can dance
But I didn't pay twenty bucks to look at
Red Foxx skip around in a pair of
Blue underpants

Women:
That ain't the goods

Dave: (spoken)
What happens when they say that?

Women:
This is not the goods!

Nightmare Estelle:
He's fat, he's old, he's skinny, he's bald
He's short
He's got pimples on his ass

Women:
He's fat, he's old, he's skinny, he's bald
He's short
He's got pimples on his ass

Men:
Women can be lovers
Women can be pals
Women can be modern types
Or sweet old-fashioned gals

Women can be angels on earth
But then again
Holy goddamn fucking shit...
Women can be men

Women:
He's fat, he's old, he's skinny
He's bald, he's short
He's fat, he's old, he's skinny
He's bald, he's short

Harold:
I've got pimples
All over my ass!!
Look at it! Jesus!
That ain't the goods

Women:
He's got pimples
All over his ass

That ain't the goods

Horse:
I feel extremely insecure
All of a sudden

Dave:
What am I doin' here?

Men:
What am I doin' here?
What the hell am I doing here

All:
This ain't the goods