The Trouble with Tribbles Lyrics

Well, I worked on a garbage scow near the Neutral Zone.

And I'm sure you've heard what occurs when a fella is alone.

Well, I was mighty lonely there 'til I met a man named Jones.

And he sold me a muff covered in fluff, so I wouldn't have to spank my bone.



So grab yourself a Tribble, and then you're good to go.

If you've got enough Quadrotriticale, you'll have an endless supply of hos.

I grabbed myself some Vaseline and slathered up my pole.

But the trouble with these Tribbles - they're fuzzy and they're cute but I can never find the hole.

(They're fuzzy and they're cute, but he can never find the hole.)



Well, that mate there is Scotty.

He's our chief engineer.

And he's never had a ho 'cause most don't know he's queer as Vulcan beer.

I caught him with some Tribbles.

I said, "Man, are you dumb.

Hear my song - you're doin' it wrong."

He was shovin' 'em up his bum.



Get yourself a Tribble, and then you're good to go.

If you've got enough Quadrotriticale, you'll have an endless supply of hos.

I grabbed myself some Vaseline and slathered up my pole.

But the trouble with these Tribbles - they're fuzzy and they're cute but I can never find the hole.

(They're fuzzy and they're cute, but he can never find the hole.)



Klingon captain Koloth, he's mean as he is shrewd.

And on shore leave, he got us peeved because he's very rude.

We beamed all of our Tribbles to Koloth and his crew, but from the yells we couldn't tell just who was raping who.



Go get yourself a Tribble, and then you're good to go.

If you've got enough Quadrotriticale, you'll have an endless supply of hos.

I grabbed myself some Vaseline and slathered up my pole.

But the trouble with these Tribbles - they're fuzzy and they're cute but I can never find the hole.

(They're fuzzy and they're cute, but he can never find the hole.)



Bones says these critters are all pregnant when they're born.

I had just one now.

I've a thousand, maybe more.

I've got so many now, I know just what to do - I think I'll start an interstellar heavy petting zoo.



Well, I was on K-7 when I saw Mr. Jones.

And I gave him, "What for?" and said, "What's more, I'm here to pick a bone.

That Tribble that you sold me, it didn't have a hole to screw."

"You dope," he said, "You don't screw them!

You let those things screw you."



So get yourself a Tribble, and then you're good to go.

If you've got enough Quadrotriticale, you'll have a dozen of 'em in your hole!

Grabbed myself some Vaseline and slathered up my rump.

'Cause the nice thing 'bout these Tribbles - they're fuzzy and cute and you can put 'em in your bum.

(They're fuzzy and they're cute and you can put 'em in your bum.)



So go back to your quarters and on your bunk you lay.

You hope and pray that on our way we pass a Bird-of-Prey.

Tribbles hate the Klingons.

They really make 'em go.

They get irate then they vibrate up in your heiny hole.



So get yourself a Tribble, and then you're good to go.

If you've got enough Quadrotriticale, you'll have a dozen of 'em in your hole!

I grabbed myself some Vaseline and slathered up my rump.

The nice thing 'bout these Tribbles is they're fuzzy and cute and you can put 'em in your bum.

(They're fuzzy and they're cute and you can put 'em in your bum.)

These Tribbles boldly going up in your frackin' hole.