The Two Finger Test Lyrics

On my 16th birthday my Dad came into my room
No, he didn't interfere with me if that's what you presumed
He said "Now you're a man, Kunt, with a full set of pubes
I've got some information that you will need to use
Sometimes a lady's private parts can be a pongy place
If she's been dancing at a disco and then sits on your face
So make sure you go in finger's first, do it just in case
And you have to have a sneaky sniff while having an embrace"

It's called the Two Finger Test
The Two Finger Test
Before you go and muff dive
Wait a mo' may I suggest?
She'll think a cuddle's nice
And if you take my advice
You can sneakily do the Two Finger Test

So everytime I sup from the furry cup
I take my Pop's advice and I pop two fingers up
And when those fingers fail the test I thank my old man
Especially when you get one that smells like a burger van

Oh, the Two Finger Test
The Two Finger Test
For checking if chuff's are whiffy
It's the system that works best
She need never know
If you lick her down below
That she has passed the Two Finger Test

It's called the Two Finger Test
The Two Finger Test
If my ex-girlfriend's hear this song
I'm sure they'll be impressed
Everytime I didn't go
And lick 'em down below
That they have failed the Two Finger Test