To My (Future) Kids Lyrics

Cats and dogs are not substitutes for napkins
Chocolate milk does not come from brown cows
Spaghetti sauce is not the same as water because a goldfish cannot survive without oxygen or in boiling liquids made out of tomatoes
Pulling the emergency brake in the car while the vehicle is in motion is not ok
The hole at the bottom of the toilet is not for exploring, your arm will become stuck if you explore too far
The 911 operators never find your late night conversations as funny as you do
If your teacher ever calls home and couples your name with the words explosion or fire hazard in the same sentence, I will always side with them
Beer was made for drinking, not chugging, they give it a flavor for a reason
Being a teenager does not give you a license for stupidity or the right to drive

But you do have the right to sing out loud
Singing is for the tin eared and the musically impaired
The ones who think treble cleft is something fixed with plastic surgery
When you open your mouth you are Sam Cooke in his prime, Marvin Gaye and Al Green with 10X the charm and don't let anyone tell you differently


Because songs may end past the lips
But they start somewhere between the shoulders and hips

That's where the soul resides
And all souls are equal

Dancing is not just for school functions
And no, it's not the motion people make in music videos where they're trying to make their zippers kiss one another
I give you permission to stake every walking surface as your own personal dance floor
As if you are a footloose Christopher Columbus and the only way to claim the Americas was to do the electric slide

You're going to discover that
conversations are best at 4 am
The heavier the eyelids, the sincerer the words
Those are the talks you'll remember
It's ok not to know the answer and silence is not awkward

It's shared,
so share it more often than not

Labels are for soup cans
When you were created you weren't mass produced
(just ask your mother if you don't believe me)


Pornography is only two people getting paid
Authentic romance doesn't begin when the background music starts
Son your sweetheart is not a princess, she's a temple

And your body a burnt sacrifice
Daughter your lover is not a knight, he is a compass and you a map

So do not treat each other like glass, with delicate hands
Because like dough we need to be punched and kneaded to

know our weight and worth

Remember that sincerity may not always gain you friends but it will keep heaviness from your heart

Love the world or love God
For you cannot do both

Just don't grow up too fast
Don't be afraid to run so fast both feet leave the ground

When you stop learning hopefully it's the same time you stop breathing


For every kid is born with color vision but adults have chosen to see the world in black and white
So when you're offered a pair of 3D glasses grab them like your life depends on it,
because it does

The adult world is full of numbers that will make your head spin and wallets and bank accounts that are filled with abstracts,
it will tell you that you are what you make, you are what you have, you are what people remember you to be

But realize this if nothing else, that you have a God and Father that says, I always was, I always am, and your empty palms and open heart are enough for me