Uncle Walter Lyrics

Your Uncle Walter's going on and on
'Bout everything he's seen and done
The voice of 50 years experience
He's drunk, watching the television

You know he's been around the world
Last night he flew to Baghdad
In his magical armchair
With cigarettes and a six-pack
Yeah, he just got back
His spit's flying everywhere
Hey, hey, hey, hey

Your Uncle Walter's going on and on
Oh you're back so late
Where did you go that you were gone so long?
And how could you leave me here so long
With Uncle Walter

Your Uncle Walter saw who fired the shots
He drove his chair in the cavalcade
He's flown from South Africa
To countries where
They beat themselves on the backs with chains

There was a fleet of battleships
And one reclining chair
Headed north on the Arabian Sea
Now he's back to tell us what
He and his oldest boy Blair
They're getting rich with their mail-order scheme

Oh, oh,
Your Uncle Walter's going on and on
We're so glad you're home
Where did you go that you were gone so long?
And how could you leave me here so long
With Uncle Walter

Your Uncle Walter told me
Everything he'd do if he was president
Oh, what a perfect world
This world would be
If he was President now
But he's not!

And he sees the children smoking pot
He knows that in a moment
They'll be shooting up heroin
Teardrops in his armchair
A 50-minute lecture
Tobacco juice rolling down his chin