Variety Speak Lyrics

In Hollywood they have a different language that they speak
It's spoken by those folks who went to school for just one week
It's found inside Variety, a magazine they use
And no one understands it when they read the movie news

Like, Hix makes pix but the flick needs fix
Means someone made a movie that bombed
The veeps in charge are now at large
Means everyone involved is gone

The plot conflix, no beautiful chix
So it's coming out on video soon
They're taking their lix
'Cause the critics say nix
And the editors are gonna try to fix it in the mix

But the stock sees green on page thirteen
Means Disney's up a nickel a share
Stallone cuts deal for a major reel
Means Rocky number six, so beware

If you want the poop or you need the scoop
On Hollywood town this week
You're gonna have to learn to talk that Variety Speak

Bob a doo bop, a bob a doo bah
Bob a doo bop, a bob a doo bah

A boffo smash makes Warner cash
Means there's gonna be a sequel next year
But Paramount hurts and they're losing their shirts
Means Schwarzenegger's doing King Lear

Oliver Stone does next Home Alone
Means he's getting paid an arm and a leg
The budget goes crunch but his name packs punch
So they called up the accountants and they're gonna do lunch

Well, the ratings smile on the O.J. trial
Means a movie of the week to premiere
Universal cuts deal with Mister Spiel
To do a hundred thousand movies a year

You gotta play it smart if you wanna be part
Of the crowd that's hip and chic
You're gonna have to learn to talk that Variety Speak

Bob a doo bop, a bob a doo bah
Bob a doo bop, a bob a doo bah

Normal talk makes producers walk
You might as well speak Greek
You're gonna have to learn
Or the meeting will adjourn
Unless, my friend, you learn that variety speak

Bob a doo bop, a bob a doo bah
Bob a doo bop, a bob a doo bah
Bah doop bah doop bah doop bahhh dah
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"Variety Speak" as written by Randy Rogel
Lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc., Universal Music Publishing Group
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