Viagra® In The Waters Lyrics

Just outside of Johnson City On a dark and twisting road In a Kenworth 18-wheeler With a heavy, shifting load He was pushing through to Binghamton Though the hour was getting late Pfyzer?s finest on a mission To the pharmacies upstate He was on a holy mission There were men who couldn?t wait (for his twenty thousand pounds of Viagra®) He?d clocked seven hundred miles Since he climbed into the rig Just another twenty five or so Would finish up that gig But the trailer hit an oil slick And down the hill did fly ?til it landed at the bottom in the town?s water supply It was instant rigor mortis What a hard way to die Chorus: Save your sons Shield your daughters There?s Viagra® In the waters All over Johnson City People rising with the dawn They drank their morning coffee, Took their showers, watered lawns And who could have predicted All the changes up ahead? Men were getting up for work, And heading back to bed So many called in sick, You would have thought a virus spread Down at the courthouse coffee shop Some stared in disbelief As a pack of thirsty lawyers Started filling out their briefs But at the local college Young men appeared much smarter No chromosomal mystery They simply studied harder Now water on the rocks Is the latest party starter Chorus The Johnson City firemen Cursed their wretched luck They could not get their fire hoses Wound back on the truck Sprinkling holy water at a funeral, Father Ryan said "I know I?ve saved their souls, but I?ve never raised the dead. Would a couple strong men help me now To close the casket lid?" Old man Weisberg Took the shower of his life Then he marched into the kitchen And he called out to his wife She knew something was up As he stood naked at the table Holding two cups of coffee And half a dozen bagels It had been at least a decade Since the last time he was able Chorus Believers seeking miracles The pilgrims came in hordes The waters of Viagra® Grew more popular than Lourdes The clergy quoted scripture But they found it hard to sell That those who chose to be anointed Were pointed straight to hell Despite the dire warnings The crowds began to swell Some hardened politicians Came into towno ne day With their permits and their pipelines Pumped the waters all away From the heart of Johnson City Rose the mournful cry of men But the women knew another truck Was coming through again Don?t worry?there?s a truck next week We?ll spread the oil again Chorus (Here's a bonus verse that never made it into the final song) Dr. Baker in geriatrics Had to make it into town Through the traffic at the drawbridge Where the gates would not come down And something told him he had found The fountain of youth When a gaggle of old geezers Grabbed his secretary Ruth Yes the old men at the nursing home Grew long in more than tooth