Weak Handshake Lyrics

You know you're actually kinda cute
With your halo and your Morrissey T-shirt
Scratching round the chicken feathers and dirt
Everybody has to make a living

You know you're actually kinda cute
Like a child getting to grips with the big words
I've got a new one that you might not have heard
You are a fucking charlatan (not the band)

In the absence of a day of judgement
Well I will state this for the record now
You are a dick and once told me
You also have a weak handshake

You can dress up like a pig in lipstick
You can fool the fans but deep down you know
You are a dick and once told me
You are a weak fucking handshake

Shed your skin like a snake
Slip it off like a stripper's Velcro hot pants
Like yesterday's as sycophants an inconvenient opinion

Leave that skin by the road side
A patronising man as a statue
A memorial tipped off dandruff tribute
It's actually kinda cute

In the absence of a day of judgement
Well I will state this for the record now
You are a dick in worms clothing
You also have a weak handshake

You can dress up like a pig in lipstick
You can fool the fans but deep down you know
You are a dick in worms clothing
You are a weak fucking handshake

'Cause here's the thing
There are certain kinds of things
That just can't be helped
It's just the way you were whelped

It isn't really fair
To judge a man by his stupid fucking hair
To call him out for his beady eyes and his beer gut
No matter how much they might make you wanna throw up

Then you come to the matters of moral agency
The decisions that make you the man that you're meant to be
The battlements from which you will not be budged
The choices by which you can said to be judged

You made your bed so now you can lie in it
It seems like a prison and one day you'll die in it
I only hope I'll live to see the day you wake up to say

In the absence of a day of judgement
Well I will state this for the record now
You are a dick in worms clothing
You also have a weak handshake

You can dress up like a pig in lipstick
You can fool the fans but deep down you know
You are a dick in worms clothing
You are a weak fucking handshake

Exhibit A: Your fucking legacy
Exhibit B: You're fucking everything
Exhibit C: You're fucking nothing
The prosecution rests