When You're Dead Lyrics

The other day, I took a walk because the air was sweet.

And I passed the crusty house of a curmudgeon on my street.

Now, every town has got one, so I'm sure you'll understand when I tell you this old bastard is a mean and bitter man.

Now, this day it was special.

I was wearin' my new hat.

The old curmudgeon saw this and he disapproved of that.

He said, "I've had one just like it for 10 years.

You ripped me off.

You've got no right to wear a hat like mine, so take it off."

Now, as it happens, I'm a gentleman, so I approached his porch.

I told him, "Great minds think alike, and you have one, of course.

So, how 'bout I just tip my hat to you when I come through?"

He reached down for his gun and said, "I'll shoot you if you do!"



And I said, "No one's gonna cry at your funeral.

No one's gonna drink at your wake.

No one's gonna sigh with a tear in their eye.

'Cause no one's gonna miss you when you're dead."



Well, the next day I forgot this whole damn mess and went to town.

And there I saw a hundred or so posters all around.

And on them was my face.

And I was wearin' my new hat.

And they read, "This guy ripped me off.

I've got one just like that!"



I took a walk down to his house to see if I could find a way to show him that we're kindred spirits of the mind.

I said, "I didn't make these hats, nor did you, of course.

And, hey, we both love Johnny Cash..."

He said, "Get off my porch!"



And I said, "No one's gonna cry at your funeral.

No one's gonna drink at your wake.

No one's gonna sigh with a tear in their eye.

'Cause no one's gonna miss you when you're dead."



When you look back on your life, what will you see?

Did you spend your time mending fences or planting mines?

There's no shortage of potential enemies, so don't waste so much time pushing away your kind.



I thought I must be stupid, or just crazy from the heat, when I went down to the house of that curmudgeon on my street.

Maybe it was foolish to go to his house again just to show this crazy drunken fool he had a friend.

When I got there, much to my surprise, he wasn't there.

He was gone, as was his shotgun and his rockin' chair.

I asked the neighbor-lady who was layin' on her lawn, "What happened to that mean old man?"

She shrugged, and that was all.



And I said, "No one's gonna cry at your funeral.

No one's gonna drink at your wake.

No one's gonna sigh with a tear in their eye.

'Cause no one's gonna miss you.

Hell, no one's gonna notice.

And I'll enjoy the silence when you're dead.